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Let Me Introduce Myself!

For the bulk of 20 years, I had a very clear career path that I was on. I studied for it, I volunteered for it, and I got paid for it. I was convinced I’d be doing this same type of work for the remainder of my life. However, when I hit 40 years old, I had just slogged through some hefty disenchantment. I began wondering to myself, “What do I want to do when I grow up?” I posted something along those lines on social media. A few days later, I received a phone call from my step father-in-law. He had made the switch from a successful food service career to social work. He shared with me what that massive shift was like for him, and he continued – “I think YOU should consider social work. I think you’re built for it!” We spoke for quite a while. After hanging up, I was convinced that I wanted to make that same shift. I became a man on a mission, applying to grad school, researching everything I could about this career that I knew little about. From that phone conversation to this very point, I have not had ONE red flag about making that choice. I have zero regrets about shifting from church-based youth ministry to becoming a clinical social worker, with eyes on behavioral health and school social work.

This adventure so far as a social worker has been incredibly enriching, challenging, and affirming. My unique gifts, abilities, & strengths make a perfect cocktail for serving those who need a leg up, who could use an advocate, and who are looking for help along their own journeys. My whole life certainly paved the way for me to place great value in skillful mental health professionals – From the death of my mom when I was a teenager to the divorce from my first love, from severe depression to the threat of alcoholism, I have experienced quite a few devastating events that have shaped the way I feel about myself, my world, and my relationships. I am deeply grateful for the friends who picked me up off my face & who urged me to get professional help. With the one-two punch of therapy and medication, I have been able to navigate the challenges of my depression and anxiety, with just a few bumps in the road along the way.

I am also extremely grateful for my wife and life partner, who is the most live-giving person I’ve ever encountered. Her support, encouragement, and love have fueled my desire to become the person I’m designed to be. We have two young sons who remind me frequently that life is an adventure, and that laughter, hugs, and pranks are an important part of a mentally healthy life!

I am a man of faith. My spiritual journey has had more twists and turns than a Colorado mountain stream. But as I have made it through to this side of things, I have been able to brush aside a lot of the extraneous man-made, cultural “stuff” that obscures a clearer look at Jesus. I want my life to continually be pointing toward Jesus, and I want my life to be characterized by that same radical & ridiculous love that I have experienced.

My work is not Christian in nature, but I am Christian in nature. What I mean is that I will come alongside anyone who needs help, regardless of belief, creed, color, race, sexual orientation, or favorite football team. This works amazingly well because I am not in the business of providing you the answers to your problems; rather, I help you discover your OWN solutions to your problems. My faith, instead, gives me a measure of compassion, empathy, and kindness.

What have you encountered along your journey? I would love to encourage you. I’d love to equip you. I’d love to empower you. Let me know how we can connect so you can have strength for your journey!!!

My Lifestyle Upgrade Journey, 6 Weeks Update

EMPOWER – It’s What I do

I like power! I am taken back to the end of my freshman year of college. I returned home for summer, and I was offered a summer job at the coal mine where my dad worked. He was a heavy equipment operator, and I landed a job in the laboratory as well as the marketing department. The first half of the days I’d collect and test coal samples from around the strip mining operation to make sure it was usable for our power plant. The afternoons were spent being the mine’s paparazzi, taking pictures for their upcoming marketing slideshow. I was asked to drive around the entire operation, taking pictures of various things, from the ginormous dump trucks and other heavy equipment, to the various grasses that had been planted in the wonderfully reclaimed areas that had previously been mined. One day I was asked to take pictures from atop one of our “Draglines,” an incredibly tall excavating machine. I remember climbing the ladder up the neck of this machine, camera at the ready. The view was breathtaking! The main thing they wanted me to capture from atop the Dragline, though, was the detonation of the explosives in a nearby part of the operation. I recall hearing the countdown on my walkie-talkie, and bracing myself for the blast. I don’t recall how well the pictures came out, but what I saw with my own eyes was amazing! I could feel the rumble reverberate throughout my chest! This whole football-field sized area was reduced to rubble, now accessible to the heavy equipment that could carefully carve out the veins of western Colorado coal. That day I saw -AND FELT- power.

In my social work practice, I ENCOURAGE, I EQUIP, and then I move on to EMPOWERING. Power, in any setting, has the ability to change things. Dynamite is applied to areas of the mine, then are detonated. Tools that I have equipped students and clients with are then APPLIED to specific areas of the person’s life. I help them find opportunities for healing and growth. I have seen in my own life the life-changing nature of EMPOWERMENT. In battling my depression, my friends and therapist have helped me apply my tools to get me through each day. In handling grief and the threat of alcoholism, I learned how to apply coping strategies and self-care. I have been EMPOWERED.

There is no use in having tools in your shed that you have no intention of ever using. It’s important to know which tools are meant for which jobs. In mental health, this is the work of helping the client understand what’s at the core of the problem they are facing. I then help them to problem solve and learn which strategy or tool is best used in giving them victory.

I give them strength for their journey. These amazing people discover their lives changed because of the power they have been given.

EQUIP – It’s What I Do

Freshman year of college, I was living in the dorms of a community college. Just like most first-year students, I was hungry one evening. I dug through my personal “pantry” in my room until I found something I was interested in – some chicken and rice soup. I couldn’t wait to dig in! However, I was ill-equipped – I couldn’t find a can opener anywhere! No big deal. I have always been resourceful. Not wanting to bother anyone for a real can opener, I grabbed my set of dorm keys. My room key was thick and sturdy, and I just knew that the can of Campbell’s didn’t stand a chance against my key. So, I began attacking the lid to that soup can with fervor. I got a hole poked through, and I began sawing with the jagged edges of my key. However, that didn’t last long. After a minute, as I was hacking at the lid, my invincible room key felt weird in my hand for a second, then *bam*! My key broke in half, with the long-end of the key falling into the abyss known as chicken and rice. Frustrated and hangry, I went to the dorm office, and asked if I could borrow a can opener AND get a new copy of my key. Not the way I intended to spend my evening that dark and hungry night. (I did eventually get to eat my soup, though, so that’s a good thing).

When it comes to our mental health, we are not “plug and play.” We don’t come out of the womb, EQUIPPED to handle crises, trauma, stress, and negative emotions. Many of us learn maladaptive behavior, ways to ease the effects of stress that are not quite healthy. I have several “keys,” or staples that I use in my practice as a social worker.

That’s why the role I play in social work as EQUIPPER is essential to the success of my students and clients. Once we have developed a rapport, and through the backdrop of ENCOURAGEMENT, I am able to build a trusting therapeutic relationship, then we can do the work together of adding tools to the mental health toolbox. This is one reason why mindfulness and breathwork is such an important foundation to going from emotionally dysregulated to emotionally regulated. Mindfulness trains our minds to become aware of what’s going on in our minds and our bodies, but without us getting carried away by it. It allows us to see, focus on, and enjoy the present moment as opposed to being stressed out about the future or perseverating about the past. Engaging in breath work is paramount to becoming able to shift gears from negative emotions.

Another key to becoming EQUIPPED (see what I did there?) is to live a life of gentle reflection. I have kept a journal for nearly a quarter of a century, and it has been the most effective tool in helping me grow in self-awareness. What does self-awareness do for us? It helps us to know our emotional triggers. It gives us the ability to look objectively at ourselves and to learn what our own strengths and weaknesses are. In later posts I will share with you the power that comes from living a reflective life. Additionally, putting into place your Living Mirrors is vital to becoming self-aware. This tool is so important – having a small circle of trusted friends who have permission to share with you what they see in you. My first experience of this was incredibly life-giving! That group of 4 friends saved my life, and deeply enriched it! We met weekly over coffee (at the coolest coffee shop in Colorado Springs). We would talk about philosophy, theology, mental health, and just life. We were open and transparent with one another, and we genuinely enjoyed each other’s company during my few years in southern Colorado.

Now, once I have sufficiently connected with my students and clients through ENCOURAGEMENT, I don’t grab my “handy-dandy algorithm for mental health success.” I tailor my course of treatment based on my client’s needs, personality, and ability to engage. But two staples in my treatment are breathwork and gentle reflection. These will look different for each person.

ENCOURAGE – It’s What I Do

I take to heart my tagline – ENCOURAGE. EQUIP. EMPOWER. Each of these things mean a LOT to me, and I would love to unpack them for you over the next 3 blog posts. Today I will focus on what ENCOURAGEMENT looks like for me. These three activities in my social work practice are linear. I can’t really move on to EQUIP until I have sufficiently ENCOURAGED you. And, you guessed it, I can’t very well EMPOWER before I have given you tools through EQUIPPING.

So, what does it mean to ENCOURAGE someone? As the word leads you to believe, it is the process of instilling courage into a person. But then, you might ask, what is COURAGE???? This is a theme that I have explored with students in-depth over the last couple of years. We can find many other nuances of meaning, but here is my thumbnail definition of COURAGE:

“Courage is choosing to do the the right thing, no matter how I feel.”

If courage is all that, then the act of encouraging means that my passion in life is to help motivate and inspire you to choose to do the right thing no matter how you feel.

Okay. Sounds good enough. Then how do I go about motivating and inspiring people?

Through card tricks and stuffed animals with goofy voices! Through my gift of goofiness, I build bridges. Since I work primarily with youth and children, this works to my advantage. Many times, when I first meet with a student, especially one with a reputation of being aggressive or hard to reach, I get my deck of cards out of my desk drawer and perform one of several card tricks I have learned over the years. Of course, there’s no magic involved, except the magic of relationship unfolding. Students see that I am there to connect and not condemn. They learn that I am approachable and relatable. They come to trust that they can open up to me without fear of me spilling the beans to anyone outside of my office.

If I’m working with an elementary student, I sometimes go the route of play therapy. I have an array of crazy voices that match several of my office stuffed animals, including Grumpy from Snow White. Apart from a little stuffed animal fox, the most popular plushy in my office is Grumpy. Why? Because he understands what it feels like to be in a super bad mood. My students LOVE sharing their days’ struggles with him, and some even feel better after throwing him against my office wall. But then the magic happens when Grumpy begins to ask questions (still, in his “Grumpy” voice): “I’m sorry your classmate made you feel like that. What did you do when you blew up at him? Oh, I see… What do you think would be a better thing to do next time he does that to you?” And so on. I have taught more coping strategies via Grumpy than I have on my own!

The bottom line is this – I ENCOURAGE (and motivate & inspire!) with the backdrop of relationship. Before a student or client trusts me, prior to that rapport being built, I cannot give students strength for their journey. But once that connection is made, then they are more willing to buy in to the EQUIPPING I do in the next phase of my therapeutic relationship with them.

I love working in a school setting. It helps me to break up the school year into achievable chunks of time. If I have a new-to-me student, I aim to spend up to one whole quarter on this ENCOURAGING phase. Yes, I will be helping them with their day-to-day struggles and questions, but I will not dive deep into EQUIPPING them with mental health tools until about that 2nd quarter.